Grow Slow

life goal #137: help build a teepee

2010-04-27T21:21:00.002-04:00

Check that one off the list!

When making a to-do list, do you ever put something on the end like "Get out of bed" or "Wiggle toes four times" just so you can cross it off? If not, you should. It is extremely satisfying.

So this weekend I added and checked off a life goal; to help build a teepee. It was CYNH Alumni weekend and for our service project we helped out around Camp Allen. Camp Allen is a summer camp for children with disabilities. I guess they used to have a wheel chair accessible teepee that got knocked down during the wind storms this winter. So we helped build a new one. Without an instruction manual. :)

Here it is!

Why I don't protest.

2010-04-16T15:15:00.003-04:00

Yesterday when I got to campus two strange things were happening. First, hovering above the small town were three black and angular military helicopters landing in the practice fields; unusually. Second, lining one side of the main street were protesters chanting a phrase that was garbled by the distance. I chose not to approach close enough to make out the cause for which they demonstrated. But today around campus I've noticed coffin shaped signs hanging on trees asking "Are we responsible for the actions of our government?" and the like. Are these events related, who knows? But it did get me pondering...

Whenever I see demonstrations of this sort I tend to walk the long way around. Even living in Flagstaff, I was too busy or too tired to take part in much activism. I thought this was because I was a shy person. Or even worse, I feared that I avoided protesting because I lacked conviction in my beliefs. I have a new idea.

I don't protest because the relationship with the living other is more important than any theory or cause or conviction (paraphrased from Nel Noddings' work). That is, building and maintaining relationships with other people is what really matters. I listen to someone speaking because I care about them and I wish to show that I care by considering their thoughts and opinions. However, the person shouting from the other side of the road does not care about me except as a mind to be influenced, manipulated. And I don't care about that person except that I wish to avoid them.

I do think that activism has a place. Organizing protests and demonstrations can bring people within a group closer together and it can spark dialogue between the people who care about each other enough to plan an event together. But my goal in organizing a demonstration is not change the minds of strangers (how aggressive!) but to build relationship and start dialogue with my co-organizers.

However, I hold this opinion loosely. Perhaps at times I am shy and cowardly when I choose not to join a cause I believe in. But at other times, I know that I am choosing to change the situation through care instead of combat.

the problem with blogs

2010-04-14T13:48:00.002-04:00

...Is that I keep waiting post until I have something Profound to say. And you see how often that happens :) So I think I just need to jump in and post, if only for the sake of getting comfortable on my blog again.

Today I took a stroll through the Philosophy section of the library. One of the things I truly love about being back in school this year is that I can take a stroll through the library on a Wednesday afternoon! Anyway, while in the philosophy section I learned something important about myself: There are significant bodies of human thought that I will never be able to devote enough time to understand; and a lot of that work resides in the philosophy section.

I love considering philosophy as it applies to my life and I have come to respect many moral and education philosophers this year. However, I picked up several books during my stroll and got lost in the first sentence! To be fair, the same thing is equally likely to happen in the hard sciences section where I claim to feel at home. Too many books, too little time!

"How are you today?"

2010-03-31T13:14:00.003-04:00

At work, I answer that question somewhere around 100 times in an eight hour shift. I really appreciate when people ask (oh yea, I'm a human too!) but I must admit that my answer is rarely true. Like the rest of America, I answer "Good." or, if I'm feeling grammatically correct "I'm doing well, and yourself?" Only in my darkest moments do I dare give even a neutral answer like "ok." So here is the real answer.

Today I feel tender. Like wearing tee-shirt during a snow storm, there is just not quite enough protection between me and the world. A smile or a nice email makes me ecstatic. Meanwhile, a harsh comment or even a passage in my textbook on a particular failure of our education system brings me close to tears.

In some ways this tenderness is freeing. I just am, me, no bulky sweaters weighing me down. On the other hand, I do get rather cold...

Replanting Grow Slow

2010-03-30T22:26:00.002-04:00

Although the rain is falling and the temperatures are low in New England, I have been assured that it is indeed spring. And what better time to restart a failing blog than planting season!

I do not promise to write everyday. I do not promise to document all of my doings. But I do promise to share more of my thoughts here in the hope of sparking new conversations. The purpose of this blog shall henceforth be to share ideas and engage in conversation...even if I am just talking to myself.

I'm happy...

2009-10-06T13:45:00.002-04:00

...just wanted to share. I feel like I'm living in one of the rare moments where I am doing what I want to do, and realize it, and I realize that I realized it and am enjoying that too. If that makes any sense outside my head!

So here's what I'm up to...I am taking classes at the University of New Hampshire toward a Master's degree in Education. It took me a while to get back into the swing of doing homework, reading for class, studying for exams, etc. but I'm back and finding classes very enjoyable. Some professors are still frustrating and some lectures are still boring but I'm enjoying all those things are part of the experience.

I also have a job at Starbucks. Yep, I'm a barista! Believe it or not, this is my first "real" job...like one where I have to check a schedule, request days off, etc., etc. The first couple days were a little rough but I've almost got the hang of it now. Plus it is really good for my little introverted people skills.

And to top it all off, it's fall and there is pumpkin ice cream!

I've decided to make a list...

2009-08-23T21:18:00.003-04:00

Some ways City Year/New Hampshire have changed my life:

1) I make lists. (This is really only funny if you knew me in college and in particular if you were one of my roommates who I mocked for making lists...i love you :) )

2) I no longer have a desire, nor even the ability, to lie around for days. In fact, the idea of only taking classes for this next year scares me. I'm going to be so bored! (Feel free to mock me later if I complain about being too busy).

3) New Hampshire feels like home. New Mexico seemed weird.

4) I appreciate good planning and leadership sooooooooo much. My summer job had neither. It was a bit painful.

5) I'm in the process of re-learning how to spend time by myself. That's a good thing...

6) I have developed an (I fear) permanent dislike for khaki pants. Seriously, I had a spasm when my Mom held up a pair in the store. I'm still okay with the color red though...

2009-07-19T09:58:00.002-04:00

Micheal Franti dedicated this one to you Marieke, Mary, Callie, Tamie, Emily, Jillian, Els, Rach, Jeni, Amanda, Megyn, Crys :)

I've become sappy in my old age...

2009-06-21T17:31:00.000-04:00

good stuff

2009-06-14T23:24:00.000-04:00

I promise to write more soon!

Theory Part III - Results

2009-04-29T22:05:00.008-04:00

Disclaimer: This is NOT good science...totally made up on my part, but it did encourge some interesting observations.

After a week observing my productivity vs. fun had on each day, I have noticed several things:

1) Saying you are having fun does not equal actually having fun, but it encourages movement in that direction.

2) I have WAY more fun when I am working with other people during crunch time than by myself. For example, Tuesday I ran around the school trying to organize things, share information, get projects approved, etc. for the big event but since it had to do mostly with communication, it wasn't a group effort. I didn't have very much fun on Tuesday (see Figure 1) because I felt stressed out the whole time. I also didn't feel like I got very much done because I felt like things were slipping out of my control. As a result, I ended up working in the office late trying to catch up - also not fun.

On the other hand, I had a blast on Thursday! That was the day before the projects and we had to get all the prep work done so it would be ready to go Friday morning. All five of us worked from 7:30am to 8pm during on and off rain to get it done. Lots of stress, lots of moving pieces, but because we were all working together there was lots of joking and craziness. So much more fun.

3) It is possible to have fun even when it feels like things are falling apart. In the middle of the projects of Friday morning (imagine 350 middle school students running around outside with shovels, paint brushes, wheelbarrows, etc. and you'll get a pretty good idea of the scene) it felt a little chaotic. Some kids finished their projects really fast and didn't have anything to do. Others didn't want to be outside or just wanted to talk to their friends. Others got covered in oil-based paint that wouldn't wash off. But even in the middle of it, I remember looking up and enjoying the craziness around me. P.S. Everyone was safe and had a good time. No one got sent to the nurse, no one even needed a band-aid. Good day.

4) Fun and productivity CAN coexist and there may even be some correlation between the two (see Figure 2). Hmmmm...

5) It is very interesting to observe oneself deliberately. And a little scary :)

Figure 1: Productivity and Fun had on a scale of 1 -10 by day of the week. Note: Monday I went on a field trip with the 6th grade. It was a lot of fun, but I didn't get anything done...not really relevant to this study here since we already know it is possible to have fun when one is not stressed out.

Figure 2: Correlation between Productivity and Fun Count. The R^2 value refers to the correlation coefficient. If R^2 = 1 that would mean the points all lined up exactly from which we can infer that the more fun had, more productive I was (or vice versa, it is undetermined in this experiment which is the cause and which is the effect). Monday's points was left out of the correlation analysis but is plotted above for your reference.

Theory Part II

2009-04-22T23:12:00.001-04:00

This has turned out to be harder than I thought. But also more interesting. More details to come...

Happy Earth Day!

2009-04-22T23:11:00.001-04:00

I recommend hugging a tree sometime this week to celebrate. Just make sure it's not covered in poison ivy first.

Quotes from "A Child of Our Time"

2009-04-19T22:19:00.002-04:00

the darkness declares the glory of the light

I would know
my shadow and my light,
so shall I at last be whole.

The world turns on its dark side./It is winter...

The moving waters renew the earth./It is spring.

Theory

2009-04-17T12:40:00.001-04:00

So, I have this idea that I plan on testing out this week. And since I might be getting a little rusty on my scientific method, I want to try it in proper format. Who knows, I might even make a couple graphs with my data :)

Hypothesis: It is possible to do good, quality work during stressful times AND have fun while enjoying life.

Methods: Global Youth Service Day is coming up. The entire school will be outside doing physical service projects with us. Just typing that makes me feel a little overwhelmed. But even if I am overwhelmed, I will try not to lose the idea that it can still be fun.

At the end of each day, I will take an internal "fun poll" to see how much I remembered to have fun that day or just how much I enjoyed myself. I may also include some people and ask them to rate my "fun-ness" for the day.

At the end of each day, I will also track how much I accomplished by writing a task list in the morning and seeing how much of that I accomplish by the time I go home. This two measures will be compared at the end of the week to draw some conclusions.

Materials: Myself.

Stay tuned... :)

Things that make me happy - Volume One

2009-04-12T20:31:00.002-04:00

Number One: Having a working computer again! Yay, updating the blog.

Number Two: Warm weather. The forecast for tomorrow is sunny and highs in the fifties. I wore a skirt to church this morning and, aside from the wind, there were no serious repercussions.

Number Seven: Sunflower seeds sprouting. See below.

Number Thirteen: Easter pansies (I know they are supposed to be Easter lilies, but whatever works!)

Number Fifteen: Spending the day watching movies with my New Hampshire family.

Number Twenty-Two (and the last for now): The fact that I'm actually looking forward to the coming weeks of work! Yay projects and creative freedom!

Barbara Kingsolver rocks my socks...

2009-02-22T11:30:00.003-05:00

"So you make this deal with the gods. You do these dances and they'll send rain and good crops and the whole works? And nothing bad will ever happen. Right." Prayer had always struck me as more or less a glorified attempt at a business transaction. A rain dance even more so.

...After a minute he said, "No, it's not like that. It's not making a deal, bad things can still happen, but you want to try not to cause them to happen. It has to do with keeping things in balance."

"In balance."

"Really, it's like the spirits have made a deal with us."

"And what is the deal?" I asked.

"We're on our own. The spirits have been good enough to let us live here and use the utilities, and we're saying: We know how nice you're being. We appreciate the rain, we appreciate the sun, we appreciate the deer we took. Sorry if we messed up anything. You've gone to a lot of trouble, and we'll try to be good guests."

"Like a note you'd send somebody after you stayed in their house?"

"Exactly like that. 'Thanks for letting me sleep on your couch. I took some beer out of the refrigerator, and I broke a coffee cup. Sorry, I hope it wasn't your favorite one.' "

I laughed because I understood "in balance." I would have called it "keeping the peace," or maybe "remembering your place," but I liked it. "It's a good idea," I said. "Especially since we're still here sleeping on God's couch. We're permanent houseguests."

"Yep, we are. Better remember how to put everything back how we found it."

-From Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver

I can dig this idea of prayer. Keeping things in balance seems like a good idea :)

Oh, I forgot the calendar...

2009-02-18T08:58:00.003-05:00

Here's all the prizes you could win...cool, eh?

"What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby? Maybe we'll never know." -Jack Handy

2009-02-11T22:20:00.004-05:00

WARNING: Work related post...but please read on :)

So, as some of you may know, I'm currently keeping busy as a full-time volunteer with City Year. It's an Americorps program and here in New Hampshire, we work with middle school students, providing one-on-one tutoring and mentoring at schools and safe after school programs and school break camps.

Which brings me to this post...we have winter holidays coming up and we are running a camp for 150 middle school students in New Hampshire. We are providing a safe environment for parents to take their students in the morning and know that they won't be making bad choices while mom and dad are at work.

Unfortunately, it costs a lot of money to send 150 kids to camp, about $100 per student, which many parents cannot afford. So here's where you come in. As part of our fundraiser to help get them to camp without busting their wallets, some amazing co-workers of mine have put together a calendar raffle. Basically, every day during March, they pull a name and there is a prize associated with that day. A raffle ticket is only $10, but it really goes a long way to helping a student get to go to camp. I know this all probably sounds really cheesy, especially from those of you that I haven't talked to in ages, so I apologize. But if you can spare it, please buy a ticket...

Thanks for reading.

P.S. The link: https://ssl.charityweb.net/cityyear/ make sure that you indicate that the money is for the New Hampshire site.

My kids at camp last year on a trip to the Franklin Park Zoo!

P.P.S. The calendar raffle is for the whole month of March, so for your best chances of winning you should buy a ticket in the next two weeks! But you're welcome to donate to City Year any time :) My team has a goal to raise $3000 by the end of the year...

2009-01-30T08:37:00.000-05:00

"A human being is a part of the whole that we call the universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences him(her)self, his thoughts and feelings, as something seperated from the rest - a kind of optical illusion of his consciousness. This illusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affextion for only the few people nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living beings and all of nature.'

-Albert Einstein

Heck ya...integration!

A message from the Co-Founder/CEO of City Year

2009-01-18T12:49:00.002-05:00

To the City Year community of corps members, staff, board members and champions,

As the nation prepares for the celebration of the Martin Luther King, Jr. Holiday and the historic inauguration of Barack Obama as its 44^th president, Senator Edward Kennedy (D-MA) and Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT), along with a bipartisan group of 20 senators introduced landmark national service legislation yesterday in the U.S. Senate, The Serve America Act.

Building on the success of AmeriCorps, The Serve America Act would dramatically expand service and volunteer opportunities in the country and overseas, invest in a series of new social innovation funds, and establish a new set of service corps opportunities to focus the civic energies of the nation’s citizens on solving pressing national problems, including the alarming number of children across the country who are falling off-track on the path to high school graduation.

City Year is a co-lead organizer of Voices for National Service, ServiceNation and America Forward, three national coalitions which have called for increased federal and private sector investment in service and social innovation to tap the civic power of Americans of all ages to meet the nation’s needs and develop citizen leaders.

It is especially meaningful that the Serve America Act was re-introduced on the eve of this most historic celebration of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday and the inauguration of Barack Obama.

Martin Luther King, Jr. said that “Everybody can be great because everyone can serve.” As a common meeting ground that can unite Americans for a common public purpose, and as a civic rite of passage for America’s diverse youth, service helps our nation realize Dr. King’s dream of a more unified nation and a ‘beloved community’.

Both President-elect Obama and Michelle Obama have a deep commitment to service, with President-elect Obama serving as a community organizer in low income Chicago neighborhoods and Michelle Obama serving as the founding executive director of Public Allies Chicago.

During the presidential election campaign, President-elect Barack Obama called for a bold increase in national service opportunities and the Serve America Act incorporates a comprehensive set of initiatives he has proposed. I was fortunate to be among those who attended his speech on national service in Colorado Springs this summer when he said: "This won't be a call issued in one speech or one program -- I want this to be a central cause of my presidency. We will ask Americans to serve. We will create new opportunities for Americans to serve. And we will direct that service to our most pressing national challenges. When you choose to serve -- whether it's your nation, your community or simply your neighborhood -- you are connected to that fundamental American ideal that we want life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness not just for ourselves, but for all Americans. That's why it's called the American dream."

For twenty years, we at City Year have witnessed the transformative power that young people in service have to change lives, improve communities, gain leadership skills and inspire thousands to join them in acting on their idealism through service. The passage of the Serve America Act would begin a new era of service in America, and tap the talents and energies of hundreds of thousands of Americans at a time of economic decline when their service is especially needed.

That need is especially evident in many of our nation’s urban schools. Nearly one million students drop out of high school every year – creating what General Colin Powell, the founder of America’s Promise, has rightfully called “a national catastrophe” – and their path to dropping out begins well before their high school years. We have been asked by leading superintendents and mayors across the country to scale up our Whole School Whole Child program, which places teams of fulltime City Year corps members in high poverty schools across the country to build a positive school climate that is conducive to learning and help students get back on track to graduate.

The Serve America Act would, among other important investments, establish a national Education Corps, to bring new national service resources into public schools in high need communities, and make it possible for City Year and other national service organizations to address this need at scale.

Most heartening is the fact that we know that young people want to serve – City Year always has many more applications than funded service opportunities, and this year applications to City Year have already tripled.

City Year’s vision is that one day the most commonly asked question of a young person will be ‘where will you do your service year?’ The Serve America Act would bring us closer to that day, and help build a stronger America by utilizing the nation’s voluntary spirit, and its nearly limitless resources of civic energy to meet pressing needs and build a more just society.

In 2006, at the invitation of City Year Chicago Founding Board Chair Michael Alter and executive director Lisa Morrison Butler, then Senator Barack Obama addressed City Year Chicago’s Ripple of Hope dinner where he said:

“Who's the next generation that is going to lead us and inspire us and build an America we can all be proud of? When I look out at all of the City Year corps members in this audience who have been giving so much of themselves for a cause that is so much larger than themselves I think I have an answer to that question.”

Across the country, City Year programs will be holding annual ceremonies on Monday to swear in the 2009 City Year Young Heroes and City Heroes youth corps. This year more than 2500 middle and high school students will take their pledge to serve and their journey of service and leadership development, inspired by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s dream, will begin.

As I prepare to participate in these amazing moments of the American experience, and reflect on City Year’s 20^th anniversary year, I am filled with gratitude for the investment that you and so many people and institutions have made and continue to make in City Year and the national service movement.

Yours in service,

Michael Brown

The eight principals of fun...

2009-01-11T17:42:00.002-05:00

Found this on Stumble! Exactly what I need sometimes...in fact, I kinda want to send it to all my stress and over-worked collegues. Think that would go over well?

Check out this video:
http://www.eightprinciples.com/

Looking forward to work tomorrow.

2009-01-04T22:19:00.002-05:00

Like many of you, I am headed back to normal life after two weeks of only breaking my laziness with delicious meals and fine company. But oddly enough, I am excited. It's not that I'm bored or have not enjoyed my time off. I think I might be reading too much news or watching too many episodes of The West Wing (rephrase: I have been watching too many episodes of The West Wing...but it's just such a brilliant show!), but I fell like I am not doing enough. The world has kept on moving and problems are getting solved. There are kids to mentor, after-school programs to run, poop jokes to be made. I'm ready to get back in it. Hope you're ready too :)

a WHAT storm?

2008-12-15T08:06:00.004-05:00

On Thursday, an ice storm knocked out power to almost 400,000 residents of New Hampshire. Now, I'd never heard of an ice storm until this weekend. The first image that comes to mind is huge chuncks of solid ice falling from the sky and tundra-esque winds sweeping across the state. Turns out it's not like that.

An ice storm is when freezing rain coats all stationary surfaces (including trees and power lines) with an ice casing that makes the trees sag and the power lines snap.

My house never lost power (luckily!), but we did have a sleep over with some friends who had to leave their dark, cold apartment. Over half of the power has been restored, but there is still a long way to go to get back to normal here.

Oh, and did I mention school was canceled on Friday and again today!

Tuesday night joke for y'all

2008-12-09T22:06:00.001-05:00

Q: Why was Tigger looking inside the toilet?

(for the answer, click on 'Comments' below)

I don't understand why...

2008-12-02T20:00:00.003-05:00

...regular eggs (presumably non-organic eggs that come from far away by chickens who spend their entire lives living in a 2x2 ft cage) come in recyclable cardboard cartons while organic and cage-free eggs come in I-hate-the-environment, plastic containers. Thoughts?

I am thankful for...

2008-12-01T21:26:00.006-05:00

~Hugs
~Soft pillows ~Writers ~Books
~Peanut butter (on french toast, pancakes, and waffles!)
~People who overcome ~Difficult jobs ~Teachers
~Questions that I don't know the answer to ~Family
~Time by myself ~Time with friends
~Sarcasm ~Bad puns
~Good food

...at least that's what comes to mind at the moment

18 rules for living

2008-11-11T17:54:00.001-05:00

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
Follow the three Rs:
1. Respect for self
2. Respect for others
3. Responsibility for all your actions.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Spend some time alone every day.
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
Be gentle with the earth.
Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Credited to the Dalai Lama here...

Hope!

2008-11-06T20:48:00.003-05:00

"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep...I will ask you to join me in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand...It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice. So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other."
-President-Elect Barack Obama 11.4.09

"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,"

2008-10-29T22:13:00.003-04:00

said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?"

"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"

"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.

Pooh nodded thoughtfully.

"It's the same thing," he said.

-From The Tao According to Pooh

Just in case you're interested, today for breakfast I had an egg and cheese english muffin sandwich (sam-itch) and pumpkin spice flavored coffee. It was a good day :)

I kinda dig New England...

2008-10-25T22:21:00.004-04:00

I spent today living in Star's Hollow from Gilmore Girls. Seriously.

I got breakfast and coffee with some friends at a little bakery/coffee shop, walked around downtown during their fall festival.

I also bought a hat and a book...both very exciting. Pictures to come. Of the hat, probably not the book.

The leaves are about done changing color, but there is still a tree here or there that takes your breath away. And I have a pretty much continuous urge to jump in a pile of leaves.

Outside of my little TV dream land, I saw one of the kids I worked with last year today at a service project. He moved a couple towns over to live with his dad, so I hadn't seen him since I've been back. He's shot up several inches and his voice has lowered a pitch, but he's still acts in the same lovable but always-getting-in-trouble way. I'm so glad he is doing well!

That's all I got. I hope all your Saturdays may be as wonderful. :)

Where I'm at...

2008-10-17T20:29:00.003-04:00

This song's been stuck in my head all week:

Music snobs, suspend your judgment :) The songs about two people meeting in a bar, but I like the chorus:

If she wants to rock she rocks
If she wants to roll she rolls
She can roll with the punches
Long as she feels like she’s in control
If she wants to stay she stays
If she wants to go she goes
She doesn’t care how she gets there
Long as she gets somewhere she knows.

I'm a big fan of rolling with the punches at the moment. Things are going well...I'm learning a lot about leadership and planning and how much easier some things are the second time around (school isn't nearly as intimidating as last year and we have some amazing kids in our after school program!). Some things still make me mad, some people are still frustrating. But if I want to rock I rock...

Physic major's in an art show!

2008-09-28T19:50:00.002-04:00

It was too weird...

A couple weeks ago I entered a drawing to an art contest sponsored by Blue Moon Brewing Company. The only guideline was that it had to have the Blue Moon logo in it somewhere. Anyway, I got chosen as a finalist for the Boston regional show. On Thursday, we went down there to a swanky show and got free beer...

This kind of stuff doesn't happen to physics majors!

pictures...

2008-09-21T16:09:00.003-04:00

This is my team!!!Yesterday I volunteered at Farm Aid...the longest running benefit concert in the states. It supports local and family farms, started by Neil Young, Willie Nelson, and John Mellencamp. Pretty amazing.
This is my teammate at Farm Aid making bio-diversity projectiles (balls of seeds and clay that we can plant in the spring).
And this is my volunteer station...sorting through the trash, compost, and recycling to make sure people got it right! Cool for the first hour, then it got a bit smelly...

This was another volunteer event we did this week. We staffed transition areas on a 200 mile relay race. And we got to wear funny hats.

And did I mention that I made it on the cover of Rolling Stone?

The Rabbi's Gift

2008-09-07T20:12:00.003-04:00

Here's a story:

The story concerns a monastery that had fallen upon hard times. Once a great order, as a result of waves of anti-monastic persecution in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries and the rise of secularism in the nineteenth, all its branch houses were lost and it had become decimated to the extent that there were only five monks left in the decaying mother house: the abbot and four others, all over seventy in age. Clearly it was a dying order.

In the deep woods surrounding the monastery there was a little hut that a rabbi from a nearby town occasionally used for a hermitage. Through their many years of prayer and contemplation the old monks had become a bit psychic, so they could always sense when the rabbi is in his hermitage. "The rabbi is in the woods, the rabbi is in the woods again," they would whisper to each other. As he agonized over the imminent death of his order, it occurred to the abbot at one such time to visit the hermitage and ask the rabbi if by some possible chance he could offer any advice that might save the monastery.

The rabbi welcomed the abbot at his hut. But when the abbot explained the purpose of his visit, the rabbi could only commiserate with him. "I know how it is," he exclaimed. "The spirit has gone out of the people. It is the same in my town. Almost no one comes to the synagogue anymore." So the old abbot and the old rabbi wept together. Then they read parts of the Torah and quietly spoke of deep things. The time came when the abbot had to leave. They embraced each other. "It has been a wonderful thing that we should meet after all these years," the abbot said, "but I have still failed in my purpose for coming here. Is there nothing you can tell me, no piece of advice you can give me that would help me save my dying order?"

"No, I am sorry," the rabbi responded. "I have no advice to give. The only thing I can tell you is that the Messiah is one of you."

When the abbot returned to the monastery his fellow monks gathered around him to ask, "Well, what did the rabbi say?"

"He couldn't help," the abbot answered. "We just wept and read the Torah together. The only thing he did say, just as I was leaving--it was something cryptic--was that the Messiah is one of us. I don't know what he meant."

In the days and weeks and months that followed, the old monks pondered this and wondered whether there was any possible significance to the rabbi's words. The Messiah is one of us? Could he possibly have meant one of us monks here at the monastery? If that's the case, which one? Do you suppose he meant the abbot? Yes, if he meant anyone, he probably meant Father Abbot. He has been our leader for more than a generation. On the other hand, he might have meant Brother Thomas. Certainly Brother Thomas is a holy man. Everyone knows that Thomas is a man of light. Certainly he could not have meant Brother Elred! Elred gets crotchety at times. But come to think of it, even though he is a thorn in people's sides, when you look back on it, Elred is virtually always right. Often very right. Maybe the rabbi did mean Brother Elred. But surely not Brother Phillip. Phillip is so passive, a real nobody. But then, almost mysteriously, he has a gift for somehow always being there when you need him. He just magically appears by your side. Maybe Phillip is the Messiah. Of course the rabbi didn't mean me. He couldn't possibly have meant me. I'm just an ordinary person. Yet supposing he did? Suppose I am the Messiah? O God, not me. I couldn't be that much for You, could I?
As they contemplated in this manner, the old monks began to treat each other with extraordinary respect on the off chance that one among them might be the Messiah. And on the off chance that each monk himself might be the Messiah, they began to treat themselves with extraordinary respect.

Because the forest in which it was situated was beautiful, it so happened that people still occasionally came to visit the monastery to picnic on its tiny lawn, to wander along some of its paths, even now and then to go into the dilapidated chapel to meditate. As they did so, without even being conscious of it, they sensed this aura of extraordinary respect that now began to surround the five old monks and seemed to radiate out from them and permeate the atmosphere of the place. There was something stragely attractive, even compelling, about it. Hardly knowing why, they began to come back to the monastery more frequently to picnic, to play, to pray. They began to bring their friends to show them this special place. And their friends brought their friends.

Then it happened that some of the younger men who came to visit the monastery started to talk more and more with the old monks. After a while one asked if he could join them. Then another. And another. So within a few years the monastery had once again become a thriving order and, thanks to the rabbi's gift, a vibrant center of light and spirituality in the realm.

--Origin unknown, from M. Scott Peck The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace

The red coats are coming...

2008-09-03T22:53:00.002-04:00

Well, they don't have red coats yet. And no, I'm not talking about the British. Tomorrow is the day the corps arrives! These will be the people I am leading for the next year. I am very excited to meet them.

The whole leadership team has spent the last several months preparing for their arrival: making presentations, setting standards, planning events, yada yada yada. And now we get to use it.

Of course I am not prepared, I could use a couple more days to get all my ducks in a row and finish my to-do list (yea, I started making to-do lists...). But I am soooo excited to drop all that and meet the people I'll we working with. I wont know who is on my team for another few weeks, but this is the beginning of a whole new world!

I'll let you know how it goes...

2008-08-27T19:22:00.002-04:00

Today was a beautiful day. It was a hopeful day where everything just came together. I spent the morning researching for an after-school program I will help led this year and things just kept coming together. To quote Paulo Cohelo, it was as if the universe was conspiring to arrange things in my favor.

I am truly hopeful tonight that things are good in the world. That there are enough people struggling toward wholeness, integration, and humanity that we wont be overcome. And that's a beautiful thing!

It begins...

2008-08-04T22:07:00.002-04:00

My hamster, Ferdinand, died this weekend. I came back from a week in Boston to find him. I was very sad. I am tempted to reflect here about life and death, but I've got something else to talk about.

Today was a new beginning. We started back at our office located in Timberland's headquarters in Stratham, NH. It is good to be back. The office and the drive is all so familiar, but there is also a different air to this year. We are all back here to start fresh and we are all inspired (dare I say idealistic) enough to do it.

We talked a lot today about big picture stuff, which I like. We talked about our roles for this year and the sites general goals. We also each chose a practice to be in charge of this year. They ranged from very City Year phrases, like "It takes a village" which means we all have to take care of each other to simple things like "Encourage creativity". I chose one that states "Celebrate and share small successes" which basically just means that I want to make sure that everyone feels appreciated this year. It is hard when I am in the midst of something, like planning a service project, to stop and remember to celebrate but it is really the key to getting through.

I have also been thinking about some things I want to work on this year. I have never been the official leader of a group, so I am very excited to see what comes out leading a team a five corps members in my school. I feel like I have lots of good ideas but putting them into practice is going to be a challenge. Along with that, I want to work on my self confidence in large groups...including public speaking. I feel like I could be good at it, I just get really nervous even talking to a small group. Practice? So I want to challenge myself in this area.

There are other challenges, but those are the two that come to mind right now. I'll let you know how it goes.

Peace.

I love the IDEA of City Year

2008-07-29T22:41:00.002-04:00

So, here is a long overdue post.

My summer break has come and gone. It was full of travel, the southwest, good friends, laughter, ocean, silence, neon lights, prayer, family, and a whole lotta love! What more could I ask for. It is not well documented like last summer's excursions, but I think I like it that way. I stayed very much in the moment.

And now I am back in the northeast with all its people and humidity. I am actually in Boston at the moment. I flew home to New Hampshire last Friday, spent Saturday moving into my new apartment in Manchester, then drove down here for a week long training with City Year people from all over the country. It's called Summer Academy.

So, three million years ago I promised you all more of a reason for why I decided to come back to City Year. The most honest reason is probably that committing to grad school scared me. But aside from deciding what I want to do with my life, at the end of last year I felt like I was not done with City Year. That I had a lot left to learn. That I had a lot left to give.

And that was confirmed these last two days. I love the values that City Year is founded on, the care and ideals that the leaders bring. I love feeling like I am part of something bigger than myself. This was a weird realization for me since I always considered myself a very independent person. But there you have it!

Yesterday during training we talked about our presence as leaders. The thing I enjoyed most is the emphasis they put on using silence. There is power in silence that many leaders don't know how to harness and tend to fill up with words. But even just a moment of silence centers a group and centers the leader. We practiced by writing a statement, "I serve because...", and then presenting that statement to a small group. We all practiced using silence and our presence with a group. As my new friend Lan would say, good stuff!

The evening session was based on the book, "The Anatomy of Peace". I have not read it, but I am very curious now I don't want to try to explain it because my tired brain will not do it justice but I'll let you know after I read it. In short it is the idea of interacting with people from a Heart at Peace not a Heart at War and seeing others and People not Objects. Also good stuff.

So that is why I came back to City Year. With all its flaws and the frustrating times I had last year, being around a group of people committed enough to teach and live these ideas is good for me. I am learning, I am putting into practice a lot of things I learned during college, and hopefully I am teaching what I can. I came back to City Year because there is no other place for me at this moment where I can practice and screw up and keep trying the ideals that I hold in my heart. I am glad that I am here.

Tonight the CEO of City Year talked to the group. It was inspirational on so many levels; I came out of it feeling like a sugar-hyped, sleep-deprived, twelve-year-old at a sleep over with her best friends, if you know what I mean :) But he left us with this. City Year has a motto, "Give a year. Change the world." Micheal Brown challenged us in the next twenty years to grow. "Give a year. Change the universe". Heck yea!

how time flies

2008-06-25T21:52:00.002-04:00

I am writing to you from Ba' Haba' (or Bar Harbor, but I find it hard to say without the accent). I am also writing to you as a graduate of City Year New Hampshire. And in perhaps the most shocking news, even to myself, I am writing to you as a soon to be Service Leader at CYNH. Yep, I'm coming back for a second year! Who'd a thunk?

So my dad flew out to help me move to Ithaca for grad school, but since that plan got postponed we decided to just goof of on the east coast while he's out here instead.

Maine is beautiful. I thought New Hampshire was nice, but Maine has so many fewer people and so much more ocean. We watched the sun set from a sand bar in the bay and it was just beautiful. Tomorrow we are going to drive back along the coast to see lighthouses and antiques (hopefully with some ice cream thrown in).

I'll blog more about why I am coming back to City Year in the next couple days.

swimming in the lampery river

2008-06-10T06:38:00.003-04:00

Yesterday my roommates and I got a call from our neighbors after work, "Put on your swim suit and come swimming now." After hemming and hawing we agreed. It turned out to be the most wonderful and most necessary experience for the moment.

We ended up a mile north of our apartment walking on a trail next to the railroad tracks ending in a calm river flowing slow toward the Great Bay. It has been in the 90s with 90% humidity and no air conditioning at school. It was pure pleasure to jump into the cool water.

I floated on my back watching a lone dragon fly buzz from shore to shore. I realized that thanks to Emily and her triathlons that I'm a pretty decent swimmer. I did some free style and splashed around with friends and even found a rope swing (it needs some work).

We got out with that I just did a lot of work kind of hunger and immediately went to get Chinese food. Food never tastes so good as after a long swim in a murky river. A perfect end to a not so perfect day.

2008-06-04T20:54:00.000-04:00

update in pictures

2008-05-19T18:33:00.004-04:00

We took my teammate, Blaze, to the aquarium in Boston for his birthday last week...

Here's my whole team showing off our handiwork on the blacktop.

Another shot of the team :)

I'm kinda proud of the above picture.

Even the solar system!

2008-04-30T07:15:00.002-04:00

Hey! My school was on the front page of the local newspaper. It's about the Global Youth Service Day we put together on Friday. Check it out here!

Crash

2008-04-27T23:46:00.002-04:00

I watched the movie Crash tonight with some friends. It's the second time I've seen it, the first time was I guess several years ago now. I remember having long discussions about it (if you haven't seen it, it's kind of intense). Here's my thought after the second viewing.

I think the main thing I'm taking away from it is that you should treat everybody with kindness. The movie is about people reacting in tense situations based on the race of the people they are interacting with. If you treat everyone with the same kindness, race doesn't matter. Simplistic, I know, but...

I'm sure I'm quoting someone when I say this, but we all have judgments build into our brains. They can be useful, making it so that we don't have to fully process every situation before reacting. It's a survival mechanism. But these judgments can obviously be harmful as this movie pointedly shows.

But perhaps that judgment could not be based on the race of a person, but just on the fact that whoever it is, is in fact a person. If one truly believes that there is good in all people, then that is what will be seen during a crisis. I don't think there is a character in the movie that demonstrates that ability. I don't know if there is a person in the world either. But I know a lot of people who are trying.

Global Youth Service Day

2008-04-25T20:35:00.003-04:00

GYSD, as they say in the biz, is today/this weekend. It's a cool idea, empower youth to work and take pride in helping their communities. At Seabrook Middle School, the whole school skipped classes this morning to work on service projects with us City Year kids. The 7th grade picked 42 pounds of trash off the beach. The 5th grade cleaned up the trails behind their community center. The 8th grade planted flowers and spread mulch all around the school. And the 6th grade painted four-square, hopscotch, a multiplication chart, and the entire solar system on the blacktop where the younger kids have recess. It is beautiful.

I got to give a welcome speech to the school before we got started. Here's what I said:

Good morning. My name is Michelle McMillan, first year City Year corps member proudly serving here at Seabrook Middle School. Welcome to Global Youth Service Day!

Today you will be joining hundreds of youth across New Hampshire and millions of kids all over the world making a difference. In 120 countries, students like yourselves are coming together to impact their communities. In India, twelve-hundred trees will be planted this weekend to stop the destruction of their environment. In Zambia, youth will clean up the area surrounding a clinic and remove grass areas where mosquitoes live. In Manchester, middle schoolers are painting murals and picking up litter in local parks, and here we are cleaning the beach and beautifying our school. The projects you are working on today are part of a much, much larger impact young people are having on the world.

I’m sure you’ve heard, at least once in your life, “You can’t do that, wait till you grow up”. If you remember one thing from today, remember that you don’t have to wait till you are older to make a difference in the world!

To paraphrase Martin Luther King, Jr.: Everybody can be great because everybody can serve. You don’t have to get straight As to serve. You don’t have to hit home runs to serve. You don’t have to wear cool shoes to serve and you don’t have to be 18 years old to serve. All you need is a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.

Thank you all for serving today and proving that young people can make a difference. And a special thanks to the student leadership team for all their ideas and hard work that made today possible (would the student leadership team stand up and be recognized). Have a wonderful day!

Here's Martin Luther King, Jr.'s speech that I stole the quote from. I was thinking about the quote a lot today. Especially as I was asked to do silly things while I was exhausted and grumpy.

A heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.

Soul generated by love. Made by love, created by love, crafted by love. Who was my soul crafted by? By the love of all the people in my life. By Mom and Dad and Danny and Grandma. By Marieke and Mary and Callie. By Tamie and Jillian and Emily and Eleanor and Rachel and Rusty and Nick. By Amanda and Jodi and Blaze and Kevin and Tyler.

Heart full of grace. How does my heart get full of grace? It is running dry now. I kneel down and drink from a stream of grace thousands of times a day without realizing it. Watching each and every one of my students grow and explore and make it through one more day. Being with my team mates and room mates as we persevere through all manner of silliness. The fourth grader who thanked me after school today for painting a solar system for him, then disappeared into his classroom shouting "I got to thank them!"

It helps to stop to remember that I do have these things with me all the time. It didn't help a lot, I was still grumpy and exhausted after giving myself the above pep talk, but it helps.

Now my sore, sunburnt body and I are going to go to bed so I can wake up tomorrow and celebrate GYSD at another school tomorrow!

I'll post pictures as soon as I get the energy to download them. Goodnight!

it's sunny but i'm sick

2008-04-16T21:31:00.002-04:00

Such a bummer. It is finally pleasant to be outside and I just want to curl up in bed. There is an upper respiratory thing-ie (that's the technical term) going around school. It's a bit like bird calls...one person coughs while walking down the hall, quickly followed by another with different tones and inflections, and pretty soon a whole chorus breaks out. I blame my sickness on my teammates who had it last week, but I think that only gives them pride. Not that they are malicious, they're just...malicious.

But back to it being spring time. According to Google, today's high was 63 and it's supposed to get into the 70s by Friday. Weird, wicked weird. I'm assured that it is not normally this warm in April and that I should not get use to it.

But I did plant some sunflowers, herbs, and a couple of bulbs. We'll see if the warm spell hold out!

apparently this blog is just about me sharing things i find on the internet. i promise to actually write soon.

2008-04-13T20:20:00.003-04:00

from www.motherjones.com

From The Poisonwood Bible

2008-04-06T16:11:00.001-04:00

"Be kind to yourself," he says softly in my ear, and I ask him, How is that possible? I rock back and forth on my chair like a baby, craving so many impossible things: justice, forgiveness, redemption. I crave to stop bearing all the wounds of this place on my own narrow body. But I also want to be a person who stays, who goes on feeling anguish where anguish is due. I want to belong somewhere, damn it. To scrub the hundred years' war off this white skin till there's nothing left and I can walk around among my neighbors wearing raw sinew and bone, like they do.

---Leah, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver

Proverbs

2008-03-31T20:21:00.003-04:00

A person's anger should be respected
even when it isn't shared

a person's happiness should be shared
even if it isn't understood

a person should be understood though
he has brought both his brows together
in anger and also suddenly begun to laugh

a person should be in love most of
the time this is the last proverb
and may be learned by all organs
capable of bodily response

by Grace Paley, Fidelity

Holy week

2008-03-23T18:08:00.003-04:00

Let me tell you about this holy week. The weekend before, I took 10 of my students to the Destination Imagination tournament. It was a culmination of an after-school program I have been running since the beginning of the year; the culmination of tons of hard work the kids had done, mostly packed into the week before. It was fun and crazy and tiring. Coming off that high, exhausted, holy week started.

Monday, St. Patrick’s day, I didn’t go to work. I had a drink with some friends and recuperated.

Tuesday, I went to work, felt deserted by my teammates.

Wednesday, I snapped at one of my favorite teammates, and then stalked around school all day annoyed at my boss. After school we had a pointless meeting that I just wanted to throw up my hand and walk out of.

Thursday, one of my teachers, who I really respect, told me I didn’t look good and was anything wrong? Every night that week I went home exasperated, annoyed, and angry. I ate some cruddy food for dinner and feel asleep.

Friday, Good Friday, the day to contemplate Jesus’ death, we had a bunch of workshops about “Life after Americorp”. I sat through hours of people telling me things I already knew. On that note, I went home and feel asleep. I savored the thought of going to the Easter Vigil at 2:00 in the morning. It is a tradition my mom and I participated in at home every year. It always feels good to be awake when no one else is, praying like the hard-core person I think I am.

But it never works to plan to be holy for just one hour. My alarm didn’t go off. I woke up at 5:30 in the morning, mad at myself, mad at the world for taking away my chance to feel holy.

I went for a walk to watch the sunrise. Standing by the river I tried to really feel all that I was feeling. I admitted that I was mad at myself. I admitted that I was frustrated with my job. But none of that gave me that holy feeling I was looking for. Then the sun came up. And the trees across the river completely blocked the view.

Holy Saturday (Dead Saturday) I worked on forgiving myself for everything that had gone wrong the previous week. I took a three hour nap in the comfy chair. I read a couple chapters in Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. I was feeling a little better by the time I went to bed.

Easter Sunday dawned and I woke up with a smile on my face. I made coffee cake, went to church, then cooked and ate dinner with a bunch of friends…including the team mate I had snapped at this week. I’m not saying it was a total transformation, but somehow things look better this side of the resurrection.

Awesome!

2008-03-11T20:35:00.002-04:00

Some days I wish I could grow facial hair...

http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/

Just for now.

2008-03-05T21:19:00.003-05:00

Tamie had this one on her blog a while back and the song popped back into my head today. Dear friends, I think I have theme going. In conclusion, this is not how I want to spend the rest of my life. But "for now" I am going to give it my all.

Quote of the Day:
And you, an ex-suicide, lying on the beach? In what way have you been freed by the serious entertainment of your hypothetical suicide? Are you not free for the first time to consider the folly of man, the most absurd of all the species, and to contemplate the cosmic mystery that is your own existence? --Walker Percy, Lost in the Cosmos

Here for now

2008-03-04T20:17:00.002-05:00

I had this song stuck in my head all day, so I decided to share.

The part I'm feeling goes like this:

thinking maybe I'm just standing here
because I want to be liked
yes, I know I need my instrument
but does my instrument need to me mic'd
I keep imagining that pretty soon
I will just disappear
and thinking that one thing is what saves me from
my fear of being here
here for now, I'm here for now, I'm here for now
here for now, I'm here for now, I'm here for now

Update

2008-03-02T15:31:00.004-05:00

There is only one word to describe this last week...but I'm so frazzled I can't even think of it right now. The kids all had the week off for winter break, so we at City Year ran day camps. The theme of the camp was "Let the games begin". So basically I spent the week playing all sorts of games with kids: dodge ball, soccer, ultimate frisbee, cards, mofia, and lots of other games that we made up on the spot. It was a blast, but my legs are sore and I've starting making this noise that makes me feel about 100 years old whenever I have to bend over to pick something up. But not a bad trade for a week of fun away from school.

In addition, on Thursday night I went to see Ani Difranco in concert. It was amazing! I don't even know how to begin to describe it. I sat in the second row, close enough to see Todd the bass player's fingers move across the strings. As you may know, a lot of Ani's music is not of the cheerful variety. But the concert was one of the most uplifting experiences of my life. I left so full of energy that even though I had spent the day running after children, I couldn't fall asleep till the wee hours of the morning. And if that wasn't awesome enough, Over the Rhine opened for Ani. The lead singer Karin has an amazing voice. When she sings acappella, it sounds like she is accompanied by a full band.

Then on Saturday I came to a full stop. Seriously, didn't even brush my teeth or change my underwear (that may be too much information. It has recently come to my attention that working with middle schoolers has negatively effected my self-editing instinct). Today things are mostly back to normal, so there is hope for the week.

I've caught the gardening bug.

2008-02-24T15:07:00.002-05:00

In church today, we read Mark 4: 1-20. That's the one about the seeds getting sowed on different types of soil. Some on the road, some on rocky soil, some in the thorns, and finally some in good soil. The preacher pointed out that this is her favorite parable since it is the only one that Jesus explains point blank. Guess he just must have gotten tired of the confused stares from the crowd. A dude can only take so much.

The cool part was that she spent a good part of the sermon talking about what makes the good soil so good. It has to have the right pH level (between 6.5 and 6.9 apparently). It has to be loosely packed. It's got to have lots of organic material and nutrients.

Now, I know what she was going for. She eventually asked the metaphorical, "what kind of soil am I?", question. But the whole time all I could think about is my desire to grab a shovel and dig into some very non-metaphorical dirt of my own.

I know where this urge is coming from. I am reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver and it has quite taken over my thoughts. It is about the author and her family spending a year living off their garden and only products grown in their county. She recounts the joys of picking the first tomatoes, the day the cherries ripen, and eating the eggs carefully watched over by her youngest daughter. It makes me want to quit my job and go full time into food production.

I think I might have to settle for trying to run an after school garden with my kids. Challenge 1) finding a place to put said garden. The maintenance staff at school doesn't seem to thrilled with the idea, but I'll try batting my eyelashes a little more next week. If not a school, I have an idea of someone off campus who might let us dig in their dirt. Challenge 2) I have no idea how to start a garden in New England. There is still 2 feet of snow on the ground, so I'm assuming it's going to have to wait till mid-March at least. But that's why they invented libraries and master gardeners. I'll see if I can find a couple of each.

Anyway, I really hope this works out. I don't know what else to do with all this garden fever. I'll keep you updated as my veget-itis progresses.

Working on nature's time.

2008-02-20T22:34:00.003-05:00

Tonight was a total lunar eclipse. If you are reading this, and it is still Wednesday night, look out the window! It is truly a sight to behold, one that I will never get sick of.

My roommate, Jodi, and I sat by the river to watch the first part of the show. It is amazing to me how slowly the world moves in those moments. I run around crazy all day, worrying and stressing, then come home and sit by the river in the cold. The ice on the river snaps and cracks in the background. I could have sat out there all night watching the sun, earth, and moon dance.

But tomorrow I need to be rested enough to run around, stress, and worry again. So, goodnight!

2008-02-13T16:52:00.000-05:00

click here

Biofuels Deemed a Greenhouse Threat

2008-02-09T21:34:00.000-05:00

An interesting article from the New York Times. Basically, two new studies have come out showing that, in total, biodiesel produces more greenhouse emissions that fossil fuels. That counts the energy used to convert the land, the fact that cropland absorbs far less carbon than the rain forests or scrubland that it replaces, and the energy used to process the corn into fuel. Very interesting...

Seems like the answer is to change our life style, not just change our fuel source.

Check the article out here.

I'm not going to pretend that I don't pick my nose...

2008-02-03T13:39:00.000-05:00

While I'm in a sharing mood, I love this video by Ani Difranco...

Feast of Saint Brigid

2008-02-02T17:48:00.000-05:00

Well, happy groundhog day. I guess I am reading enough blogs now that I picked up on this. In honor of the Feast of Saint Brigid, today is the third blogger's Silent Poetry Reading. I like the idea, so here is my poem(s).

What is this?

I walk out
and look up at the sky.
Billions of points light up the night.
Even though there is no moon
or sun in the sky,
I can see my shadow on the ground.
The points seem
like paint splattered on a wall,
but I can see patterns.
The patterns are my own:
a five pointed star among the stars,
a smiling face,
a glass of water,
a dog,
my mom,
my dad.
The patterns appear and are gone
as soon as I name them.
I couldn’t show you
even if you were here,
standing next to me.
Because they are mine.
And you have your own.
Just as secret,
just as private,
just as indescribable.
What is this?

I’m sitting on the grass
underneath a large tree.
I don’t know what kind of tree it is,
and in the large scheme of things,
it doesn’t really matter.
Would the sound of the wind
in the leaves
change
if I could call the tree in English or Latin?
I sit feeling the moisture from the ground
dampen the back of my pants.
But it is slow enough
that even if I sit here for an hour,
you wouldn’t be able to tell.
Unless you get close
enough
to smell.
Because the grass leaves its scent
on my whole body.
I feel the sun on my skin
as the wind stops.
I feel the joy
that its warmth brings.
My eyes are closed as I pretend to nap
so I don’t have to live in this world.
And it works,
I lay undisturbed.
Feeling the wind,
breathing the smell,
and listening to the leaves
dance in the sky.
What is this?

I walk
beside the road.
I’ve passed
two men standing outside,
a couple of bike riders going home
after a day at work or play...
however they spend their time.
My mind wanders as I walk;
she is not confined
to my steps
or my surroundings.
She jumps,
even sets the world record
for furthest distance imagined
in a one-block walk.
Clouds have collected in the sky
while I wasn’t watching
and the air tingles
with the anticipation of rain.
My whole body hopes
that the rain will begin
soon.
I yearn to be caught in the downpour
so that I can
dance
my way home.
What is this?

Man, am I tired...

2008-02-01T17:42:00.001-05:00

I should post more when I am in a good mood, because I swear they do happen. But I think I only take the time to sit still when I am feeling tired or angry, so that is what comes out on my blog. My deepest regrets...

I just got back from our "Advanced Training Retreat" or ATR, as they say in the biz. It was three full days up in the north country with the corps. Lots of fun was had, but mostly I'm just drained. The lake was very pretty though.

At the retreat, we did an exercise called Cross the Line. Basically a facilitator says statements, and if these statement apply to you then you, well, cross the line. I hear the statements can get very intense, but I didn't think it got too bad. The thing I like about these exercises is that they create a space of honesty and vulnerability that we all enter together. I have a hard time being open, especially in this group, but when everybody is asked to be open together it works for me. I wish we could all be more naturally open; I realize how much I crave that kind of connection with other people. I think that is why this year has been hard. I don't have that...permission...to be open with anyone around here; I've only known them for a couple of months.

Anyway, next time I post, I'll try to do it in one of my good moods.

Wisdom from comedians...

2008-02-01T17:32:00.000-05:00

A co-worker emailed this out and I thought I'd share it with you...

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

George Carlin

Thank you blogosphere.

2008-01-21T21:13:00.000-05:00

This is a short one because it is 9:15, thus, my bedtime. I just wanted to say thank you for the encouragement from all those who know and love me. It helps to be reminded that I am not alone and puts a smile on my face. You aren't alone either!

Also, today was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. City Year hosts a big celebration every year and I was part of the planning team. It was exhausting and I am glad that it is over. But it went really well. I'll post some pictures and more details later. In the meantime, Tamie has a great reflection on her blog. Peace out, blogosphere, sleep well. I sure will!

Settling

2008-01-14T10:17:00.000-05:00

Over the past week I have found myself settling, resigning myself to attitudes and actions that I would not normally choose. When I get tired, it is so much easier to shop at the big box grocery store on my way home from work then to make the trip to the locally-owned, organic food store. I don't work as hard to find ways to carpool with people, because it is more convenient to have my car with me. Why not just make copies of the paper for everyone? It's easier than thinking of a different, more creative solution.

That's not how I want to live. I want to push myself to recycle, eat local, walk or bike, and generally live in an integrated fashion. But doing that and working 10-12 hour days is getting the better of me. I guess I just need some encouragement. I'm excited to live in a college town again next year. New Hampshire (and City Year) just weren't built with integration in mind...

The house my dad is building.

2008-01-01T20:35:00.000-05:00

Happy eighth day of Christmas. I am almost done with my time in Las Cruces. The first week I was here I helped my Dad at the house he is flipping. Let me tell you, if you have never mudded a wall, you're missing out. Anyway, the house is beautiful with a custom built front door, courtyard, and sunny garage. It's the kind of house I want to live in some day. It's got character. So, here are some pictures so you can see for yourself...

A woolly christmas to you all

2007-12-25T18:02:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas. It has been a day full of pies, luminarios, family, and presents. My mom has been knitting me a pair of socks for Christmas for several years now. And then I go and walk holes in them. This year I was cutting it close, I only have one pair of homemade socks left, and they are on their last leg (or foot, as it were). This Christmas was special because I am finally at the point where I can knit a pair of socks for my mom as well. Here are our feet thoroughly enjoying the new wool!

Socks are a wonderful gift. They are practical, they are fun to make (at least the first on is...), and as Stephanie McPhee (aka the Yarn Harlot) says, they are the ultimate expression of love. There is a lot of design that goes into knitting a seamless sock, getting just the right number of stitches, the heel flap, the heel, picking up stitches for the gusset, the long time it takes to get to the toe. And then you have to do it all over again (although mine don't usually match, on purpose). To quote the Yarn Harlot:

The knitter then gives the finished socks to a worthy recipient, who will, the first time that he or she puts them on, undergo a transformation, a moment of sacred joy, swearing off machine-made socks forever. And then--in a celebration of the knitter's art, a festivity of yarn, a homage to knitting in the round and needleworkers everywhere--the recipient will walk big honkin' holes in them.

That's love. That's why socks are special.

Winter harvest and back to the southwest.

2007-12-19T09:50:00.000-05:00

Before leaving for three weeks, I decided to harvest the herbs I could, assuming that they would most likely not survive the break. Perhaps they are magical plants, with camel-like super powers to store water, but I'm not taking my chances. I think we'll have enough dried basil, cilantro, dill, and mint to last us for quite a while. Here's some pictures from the harvest:

Basil at it's wildest.

Mr. Mint needs a haircut.

I learned this on the internet. You cut the stalks then bundle them and hang them upside down in dark, warm space.

My dark, warm space is inside a paper grocery back placed next to the heater. I'll let you know how it works...

And now I am back in the Southwest, not under 2 feet of snow, and enjoying the sun and 60 degrees. Oh, and it stays light here till past 5:30! Oh, and my parents took me out for green chile enchiladas straight from the airport. Such amazing people! It's good to be home.

From The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery

2007-12-11T20:10:00.000-05:00

It was then that the fox appeared.
"Good morning," said the fox.
"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.
"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."
"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."
"I am a fox," the fox said.
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."
"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."
"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
But after some thought, he added:
"What does that mean--'tame'?"...
..."It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."
" 'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."
"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince...
..."My life is very monotonous," he said. " I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all them men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat..."
The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.
"Please--tame me!" he said...
...So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."...
..."Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."...
..."Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for whatever you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."

And that, my friends, is love.

Free Rice

2007-12-05T12:27:00.001-05:00

If you haven't seen this yet, check it out. It's kind of addictive. www.freerice.com

snow day.

2007-12-03T06:18:00.000-05:00

SNOW DAY!!!! WOOOHOOO!

After finding out that the schools are closed and thus I did not have to go into work at 6:00 this morning, I promptly fell back asleep. Waking up at a much more reasonable hour, I knit for a few hours this morning while my roommate made scones, then we went out to play. We gave birth to Gertrude the Snowwoman, several snow angels, and an almost completed igloo. Some kids even came by to help us with the igloo, yea outreach! I feel like a six year old who spent all day playing with friends. It's wonderful...get outside and play if you haven't in a while!

Here's some pictures:

Now I'm cuddled down with a snack to write a lesson plan for tomorrow. This evening I'm going to go see John McCain speak in Manchester and it's going to be filmed on MTV. Not a bad day!

Imagery

2007-11-27T21:32:00.000-05:00

From most recent to "how long have these been on my camera"...

This morning's fog with several corps members...

The first snow of the season as seen from my window.

On a fire look out tower a couple weekends ago

Roommate Amanda touching the ocean for the first time this year.

My teammates "planning" for a field day we ran at the school.

Giving Thanks

2007-11-23T00:12:00.001-05:00

So I'm totally ripping off from Tamie's blog and writing about what I am thankful for today. Seems appropriate somehow. This is my first thanksgiving away from my family, which makes me all the more thankful for the time I will spend with them soon. I am thankful for the family who let my co-workers and I use their house to cook and eat our turkey. I am thankful for all the people who saved up turkey points for the grocery store so we could afford our dinner in the first place.

I am thankful for the snow that fell yesterday! (picture to come) I am thankful for the work I am doing, because I feel like I am making a difference even though it exhausts me. I'm thankful for Callie's wedding and that I will get to spend time with my friends/sisters. I am thankful for people all over the country who love me and whom I love. I am thankful for the stars and the wind and the fog and homemade socks.

And cheese...can't forget the cheese.

Timberland re-mix.

2007-11-14T18:47:00.000-05:00

Today I sat in a round table discussion with the Timberland CEO Jeff Swartz. It was inspirational to say the least. Timberland is a company that tries its darndest to live out the ethics that they preach. They are not perfect and they know it, but they try and you have to respect that. I think I've put their web link up here before, but here it is again ... right here.

The discussion made me realize how complex these issues are on the company side of things. It is easy to say that Wal-mart is bad, but to really consider what is going through the minds of CEOs is considerably more difficult. Maybe they really are trying to do what is best...maybe?

Anyway, Timberland really is doing cool stuff, just so ya know. We talked about how nowadays, we vote more at the cash register than at the voting booth. So, where is your vote?

Daylight savings time makes me mad.

2007-11-06T05:29:00.000-05:00

So I got in this rhythm with my work schedule. No, it wasn't perfect, but at least I was driving to work watching the sunrise and most times making it home with half an hour of daylight to spare. And yes, I know that wouldn't have lasted very long anyways, but I was hoping for at least a few weeks. But then the government stepped in...

Maybe I was just spoiled living in Arizona (which doesn't observe daylight savings time) for the past four years. I feel like me schedule is off, my patterns are eschew, my nature is disturbed. I expect that to happen if, say, I fly to London, but not sleeping in my own bed. Not going to lie, I'm a little bitter. I don't blame old Ben Frank for coming up with the idea, but does DLS actually help anybody, or does it just mess with our heads?

Did you know that...

2007-11-04T21:50:00.000-05:00

...the Equal Rights Amendment guaranteeing equal rights based on sex is not actually part of the constitution. It was passed by Congress in 1972 but only got 35 of the 38 states needed to ratify it. Arizona, Nevada, and Utah didn't ratify it, neither did most of the South. It has been reintroduced to Congress every year since then. I always thought that all my rights were secured, but nope, just the right to vote. Which I do appreciate.

~Gettin' my feminist grove on.

They weren't kidding

2007-10-22T20:09:00.000-04:00

It's true that fall here is beautiful. And it has finally come! Here are some pictures of my town in all its autumn glory.

My room is in the house in the back, second floor on the left.

This is a cemetery a couple blocks from my apartment. It's a nice place to run.

This weekend was a good one. Mostly because I finally got a chance to make and can applesauce from when we went apple-picking several weeks back. I got six pints out the batch! It is nice to have time to just putter around the kitchen.

A lot has been going on. I'm getting settled into my school; I'm working in four different classrooms, mostly with language arts. Possibly the coolest part of my job is that I'm learning to play the trombone with the band (there is only one poor little sixth grader for all low-brass, he is sooo over powered). When I told the band teacher that I played tuba for eight years, he nicknamed me "Tuba Girl". I think it has a good ring to it :)

I'm working a lot, which is both good and bad. Time is flying and I can tell that I will never be bored in this job. But I rarely get home before it is dark (that is partly because it's getting dark so flippin' early!), and when I'm home I have zero energy (thus the declining number of blog posts). I have promised myself that I won't work at home, which takes some pressure off and lets me actually relax a little each night.

In conclusion, life is good and I'll keep you updated.

In the news

2007-10-14T11:51:00.000-04:00

Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize with the UN Commission on Global Climate Change, my friends have started getting married, and the kitchen herb garden is growing tall.

I just got back from Minneapolis where two friends who met at Goddard Space Flight Center in the summer of 2006 got married. Congratulations Luke and Rayna! It was great fun to see friends, reminisce, and dance. It delights me how natural it was to see them again. We practically breathed each other for ten weeks then went our separate ways. Many of these people I hadn't seen for over a year, but it seemed simple to pick-up where we left off. That has been the case with many of my friends who I have moved away from over the years and it gives me hope that it will be the case with many others. Besides going to the wedding, I went to the Mall of America to ride roller coasters, ate lunch with the bust of the Pope at Buca de Bepos, and walked around downtown.

Of course going to a wedding makes me think of my own "special day". Even if I never find my Prince Charming I want to invite everyone to come celebrate with me because it would be one helluva party. There are important people in my life who have never met each other and might not cross paths except at my wedding. That sounds very ego-centric, but I realize that is the case with all of my friends, which is why I look forward to meeting your important people at your wedding (or wedding-like party).

One thing I realized yesterday is that every group I'm close to loves to dance. And that makes me happy. So all I can say is that if I do ever get married, we are going to need a wicked huge dance floor and its going to be going all night.

And now for something completely different...

A cool interview

2007-10-05T21:06:00.000-04:00

So, normally I'm not such a fan of the Colbert Report. But the pure awesomeness of a man who has been to the moon, *twice*, and the fact the Stephen seems completely star-struck won me over. Enjoy.

Things that I like.

2007-10-03T06:16:00.000-04:00

1) Apple picking! I went to an orchard slash harvest festival this weekend and it was a blast. Now we have half a bushel of apples to do something with. I'm hoping to can me some apple sauce this weekend.

2) Live bluegrass at a wicked cool club (and yes, they actually say "wicked" out here). The club is called the Stone Church and it really is an old church. It has some pretty sweet acts come through and its fame is widespread (whenever I tell someone here where I'm living, they ask if I've been there). The atmosphere reminded me so much of Flagstaff: lots of dreadlocks, local artist work on the wall, awesome people watching.

3) My new bookshelf! I got it for free from the side of the road. I love this state. Now it actually feels like I live here!

4) Waking up early (or at least I'm hoping that I'll like it soon). Check out the time down there and then think of me setting my alarm for 5:30 AM. I more fully appreciate what all you teachers out there are working with :)

Update

2007-09-29T18:00:00.000-04:00

It's been quite the week. Last weekend we went for a hike; we made it all the way up to 5200 ft! And the leaves are changing color, I hear we are coming near peak leaf viewing season which I am looking forward to with great anticipation. In the midst of the hike, we had several album cover poses, here they are for your enjoyment.

On Monday I went to visit the school I'll be working in and met with the principals. It made this whole year seem more realistic to be walking around the building. It also overwhelmed me a little. They are trusting me to work in classrooms and mentor kids through Big Brothers Big Sisters with only a month of training (and only about 2 days of it on actually working with kids). I feel under-qualified, but maybe that is how all teachers feel (at least at first?). Next week we are in the schools all week observing classrooms and then the week after we really start.

In other City Year news, we got our uniforms this week...including the much anticipated Timberland boots! Yes, they are everything that I imagined them to be. I can't wait to get them dirty and wrinkled. The rest of the uniform, is well, a uniform. The pants fit kinda funny and the x-small shirt is way too big. But I feel approximately 13.2 hundred times cooler working in it. Really unifies the group.

Friday was our Opening Day, basically the official start of the year. We listened to lots of people talk, and said the City Year pledge which I'm putting here because I actually think it is pretty cool. Here ya go:

I pledge to serve as a City Year member to the very best of my ability,
To honor the rules and expectations of City Year,
To respect my colleagues and the people and communities we serve,
To provide excellent service,
To lead by example and be a role model to children,
To celebrate the diversity of the people, ideas, and cultures around me,
To serve with an open heart and an open mind,
To be quick to help and slow to judge,
To do my best to make a difference in the lives of others,
And to build a stronger community, nation, and world for all of us.

So, it's official. On Monday we get our jackets and have a jacket dedication ceremony which should be cool. I'll let you know how that goes.

Here's something for you to think about. What is the best way to open a can of tuna without a can opener? Let me know if you have any better ideas, because I still have three cans and no opener :-)

Water

2007-09-22T21:26:00.000-04:00

The supreme good is like water,
which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

from the tao te ching by lau tzu, translated by stephen mitchell

Sprouts!

2007-09-22T10:22:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I woke up, groggily walked to the kitchen and started the coffee, turned to the herbs that weren't supposed to sprout for another couple of weeks to find glorious green heads poking through the soil! It made my morning. I couldn't stop smiling the whole way to work.

Then on the way to work we drove behind a clown in a minivan. It was fine until he saw us staring and started waving. Then it was just creepy.

I'm in.

2007-09-20T21:40:00.001-04:00

I like to think of myself as a critical thinker not easily swayed by the popular opinion or engulfed in groups just because they exist. But I find myself completely buying into the whole City Year idea. Don't worry, I won't drink any Kool-Aid no matter what they tell me will happen :-). It's just that I really agree with the goals of this organization and I am even excited about getting my uniform so that I can wear City Year colors proudly. Oh, and the boots. I am very excited about the free pair of Timm's work boots!

Today we had an event called Serva-a-palooza. It is an annual Timberland event where they basically shut down all operations for a day in order to serve in communities across the world. Afterwards there is a big party...that's the palooza part. I worked at a park in Rochester clearing brush out of a wonderful pine forest. It was so overgrown it was creepy when we got there. But six hours and 150 volunteers transformed it into inviting paths and beautiful views of the river. It is truly amazing to see a community like this at work.

The other very cool part of today was working with high school students from the nearby school. On girl came with a pink and bleached mohawk that was at least 8 inches tall. Amazing. They were wonderful to work with and excited about City Year. One of the first things they asked me was how they can join. I thought, "Wow, way to be thinking about the future...I didn't even know this program existed until last November".

Back to me buying into City Year. The CEO of Timberland is an amazing man by the name of Jeff Swartz. He spoke at the party tonight and you could feel his passion radiating into the crowd. He does good with his company not to make money, but because this is what he believes. It inspires me. He was on the Colbert Report a while ago, so check it out!

I am feeling good about my team. I really got to know them this week working together and living together at our retreat. They are amazing people, and I look forward to continuing to build these relationships.

In conclusions, service is fun and you feel good afterwards and yea for free boots!

Here's two pictures from BTR...

Life in the 'Shire

2007-09-16T21:48:00.000-04:00

Hola. Here is an update and pictures. So far we have had: 2 service days, 6 days of training, 1 trip to the school where I will be tutoring middle school students, 2 hikes, and lots of laughs. There have been a few tense moments with my team, but I am confident that we will find a way to work it out.

These are my awesome roommates after our second day of service. We helped out at a 200 mile relay race across the state. The runners go all night for 24 hours straight. Crazy.

Amanda worked the night shift so she was a bit tired by the time I took this picture. Her team all wore funny wigs to help the time pass, so, no, that's not her real hair :)

So after working for 10 hours yesterday, we got up and hiked a mountain. It was an easy incline, but the view from the peak was beautiful. It awed me so much that I had to take a nap before heading down.

And yes, it was only 2804 ft. in elevation, but when most of the state is at sea level that is a tall peak. A little trivia, the highest point in New Hampshire is Mt. Washington at 6,288 ft. We are hoping to hike that before the end of the year!

Tomorrow we are going on the Basic Training Retreat (or BTR as they say in the business). We are going to a summer camp up north and chillin' till Wednesday. Should be fun. But if I am out of touch, that's why.

Pictures from a while ago.

2007-09-12T16:49:00.001-04:00

Here are some photos from the road trip that I never got a chance to upload.

This is where I lived in Charleston for the first three years of my life.

Sunset in Pennsylvania.

Self-explainatory.

Ah yes.

2007-09-12T16:38:00.000-04:00

First off I'd like to apologize for the post lumping. Again, no Internet, but we should be getting it on Friday. There have been a lot of mood swings in this first week, and I'm all posting it at once.

Today was an amazing day. We had our first day of Physical Service. That means we go out and do something. I went with a team of five people to a place called New Generations; it's a home for women who are pregnant or have young children. Women stay there for a few months up to a year and eat together, do chores together, and live together. There is a beautiful garden (awww...Flagstaff), and they run a thrift store to help fund the home. Today we worked in the furniture part of the thrift store and organized the poo out of it. Then we mulched, pulled weeds, and beautified.

It felt great to move around and do physical labor. You could see a transformation at the end of the day. It wasn't huge, but it was there. I feel like this is the right place for me to be (which is a good feeling after last night). I'm a tired, but it is the tired of a hard day's work...the best kind of tired.

So, that brings my blog up to date, and hopefully I'll be able to post in real time soon!!!

When times get hard.

2007-09-12T16:37:00.000-04:00

I am starting to really miss the familiar. I miss my friends and family. I miss familiar weather. I miss familiar smells. I knew this time would come, but it is still a shock. I knew that I could only ride the initial excitement for so long, but it is still hard to come down.

Work got harder. Personality clashes are showing up in teams. I think the initial excitement has worn off for everyone else too. I know this is part of building a strong team, but it is hard to remember. We are all tired and sprinting across new territory without a map.

I pray for patience and peace in my heart.

I spent the evening dancing to Michael Franti, eating macaroni and cheese courtesy of my roommate Jodi, and watching The Muppet Movie, so I’m feeling better.

City Year is always ready.

2007-09-12T16:35:00.000-04:00

As part of the team-feeling of City Year (that’s what the Americorp program I’m doing is called) we do Physical Training or PT in the mornings together. This involves doing push-ups, jumping jacks, or lunges all together in a certain rhythm. There are also call and responses such as “How are you feeling” “Fired-up”, “City Year, are you ready for 7 powerful push-ups” “City Year is always ready”, and “We live to serve another day” “And that’s a beautiful thing”. It is both sincere and funny at the same time.

In other news, on Saturday I went for a hike with my roommates and several other corps members. It was awesome; I feel so much better when I get out in nature and exercise a bit. We climbed a “mountain”. Not to belittle east-coast mountains, but it is hard to get excited about 3,000 feet when you’ve lived at 7,000 for the last four years. But it was very steep at we went practically straight up. There was a fire watch post and we saw some fantastic views.

A little further down the trail was a “pond” (in New Mexico we would have called it a lake). It was spring feed and refreshing, we all went for a swim. After lying about to dry off we found some wild blueberries and raspberries just growing by the trail. Food does grow in New Hampshire!

To add to my excitement we stopped at a farm stand on the way home. Basically people have big gardens and the put up signs and set up little carts right off their driveway. We got sweet corn and tomatoes and homemade apple butter. Yummy. I’m hoping to start an herb garden sometime soon.

And…City Year is housed at the Timberland headquarters. If you haven’t heard of Timberland (I hadn’t) check out their website. They are a wicked cool company. Each employee gets 40 paid hours off to do service in the community. They have two global service events a year, one coming up next week. They are pledged to be carbon neutral (not adding any carbon dioxide to the atmosphere). They are committed to human rights in all their factories, plus there shoe boxes all have a “nutrition label” on them letting you know what exactly went into making that pair of shoes. Wicked cool. To top it off, I get a 40% discount in the store here. Oh yeah…

On Monday we get our team assignment which means I’ll actually know what I’m working on this year. I’m very excited.

Confessions

2007-09-12T16:33:00.000-04:00

Part I

I shopped at Wal-Mart today. I really needed a plunger for the new apartment. I’m sorry world. My deepest apologies.

Part II

The fiddlesticks plunger broke after using it twice. I consider justice done. I will never shop at Wal-Mart.

Live free or die

2007-09-05T19:54:00.001-04:00

Well folks, I’m in New Hampshire. Sorry these posts are clumped together, but my internet is sketchy so I post when I can.

I’ve met my three roommates and they all seem really cool. I think we will get along really well. One of them quilts and another knits and spins wool. This is very good especially since I have just made it my goal to learn to spin again.

The apartment we are in has the weirdest floor plan I have ever seen. It has two biggish bedrooms with nice sized closets and then two bedrooms that aren’t even really bedrooms. No closests, the circuit breaker is in one of them, and they are really small. Weird… But we are making it work. Last night we all started unpacking; starting with all the pretty stuff we hung all over. We even have a Welcome sign hanging on the front door. How cool are we.

In other news, I’ve decided to adopt the New Hampshire state motto, “Live free or die”. I have a couple reasons for this.

1. It is a great battle cry. Try yelling it at the top of your lungs, you’ll like it. Come on, try J

2. My friend Rusty has a theory. If you appear more unstable than everyone around you, no one will mess with you. What is more unstable than 1)?

3. I guess since I am in New England I should learn more about the history of the place. I’m assuming the motto comes from the revolution, so consider me learned. (Okay, that’s a stretch, but I needed a number three).

I start work today. We have training for about a month before we really get down to it, but I’m excited to see how this will all work out. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Mile 2468

2007-09-05T19:49:00.000-04:00

Hours in the car today: about 8
Hours in the car tomorrow: about 0!!!

We woke up early this morning and after a fight I was able to use our hotel’s “high-speed wireless” internet. Don’t believe everything they advertise. But since we pushed it yesterday, we made it to Niagara Falls by mid-morning. And here it was that Dad and I made the astounding discovery…

…the river flows east here!!!! If this doesn’t seem weird to you then you haven’t been living in the west for long enough. Dad and I had separately made assumptions about which way the falls would be but when we started walking we realized that the river was flowing in the opposite direction. Weird!

After our profound discovery, we enjoyed these views…

Then we (regretfully) got back in the car, hopped on the New York Thru-way, and drove. We made it to Vermont for dinner. I felt like we were driving through an L.L. Bean catalog (which I guess is a real possibility). Half a billion white churches, picket fences, and scenic views later we crossed into New Hampshire, our last state. Man, it is good to think that we won’t drive 600 miles tomorrow!

And now we are at the hotel; it looks like an old boarding dorm with poster beds, carved wood panels, etc.

Goodnight.

Mile 1945

2007-09-01T08:04:00.000-04:00

States entered today: 5
States remaining on this trip: 3

In the early haze of morning we drove through Charelston, IL. We went by Eastern Illinois University where my mother taught, by the house were I spent the first three years of my life (I’m working on plans to turn it into a museum so stay tuned J), and to the town square that was vibrant before the Wal-Mart moved into town. But fortunately the South-Side Diner was still kickin’ in the square so we had a classic breakfast. After breakfast, my dad used the force and this long-term memory to find the grave stone of his grandfather in the Charleston cemetery. It was a bit weird to see my last name in this unfamiliar yet intimately related place.

We hit the road again and drove for a very very very long time. Words cannot describe how long we drove. We past corn fields, then some more corn fields, then Indianapolis, the some corn fields, then Columbus, then another field of some kind. We eventually made it up to Cleveland, OH, then to Erie, Pennsylvania. We ate dinner at a fish place overlooking the lake, complete with sunset and sail boats. For a couple moments I almost forgot how much I hate the inside of my car.

From Erie we drove on a back road through wine country and beautiful lake front homes. I can imagine waking up, picking few grapes and watching the sunrise over the water. Dad quickly pointed out that it probably isn’t quite as picturesque in winter when everything is buried under several feet of snow. But such is life, I think I could deal with it.

Tomorrow we are driving north 40 miles and checking out Niagara Falls in the morning. It is good to only have a short drive before the hope of fresh air. And the most beautiful thought of tomorrow is that it is our last day! We should make it to Exeter, New Hampshire before too late and then attempt to find my prospective apartment on Sunday. So close!

Mile 1382

2007-09-01T07:49:00.000-04:00

Miles driven today: 714
Miles left: 1018

We left early this morning and enjoyed the empty back roads through the fields of Kansas. It was a shock when we crossed the border into Illinois and suddenly had to deal with traffic again.

We drove straight through the day; I got a lot of knitting done. The really exciting part started when we got to St. Louis. We stopped to see the St. Louis monolith…

…oh, I mean arch.

We walked by the river then had our first real meal of the day at the Old Spaghetti Factory. Turns out one doesn’t need to eat nearly as much when one is sitting in a car all day. But after a walk and some good food we were both resuscitated enough to fully appreciate the excitement to come.

That’s right, we saw the WORLD’S LARGEST CATSUP BOTTLE!!!! No kidding, it was built in the 40’s and proudly stands 10 miles off the highway in Colinsville, IL. It took a while to find it. Apparently the Collinsvillians aren’t as proud to house the world’s largest catsup bottle as one would think. If it hadn’t been in our atlas, we might not have found it. But as it is I can share this wonderful picture with you.

And now we are in Charleston, IL, the place of my birth. The circle of life and all that jazz.

Mile 668

2007-09-01T07:46:00.000-04:00

Miles from Las Cruces, NM to Manchester, NH: about 2400
Miles driven today: 668
Miles left: 1732

Today I woke up in New Mexico, stopped for gas in Texas, drove across the Oklahoma panhandle, and am going to bed in Medicine Lounge, Kansas. Let the road trip begin!

My dad and I are driving my little “go fast” car loaded with all my possessions across the country. When we get to New Hampshire I’ll start an Americorp program called City Year. I don’t know exactly what I’ll be doing, but I’ll let you know when I do.

Armed with our books Roadside America (© 1987) and Eat Your Way Across America (© 1997), we bravely explore as many diners and tourist traps as possible. Today we drove past White Sands National Monument (it’s only a couple miles out of Las Cruces) but had few other tourist opportunities. The food, however, was delicious; Penny’s Diner in Vaughn, New Mexico for lunch and a family BBQ joint in Liberal, Kansas (I can’t be to *liberal* with my praise!) for dinner. We saw cool architecture, a rainbow, and a movie-sized orange full moon. Good day.

Hey, food grows in New Mexico too!

2007-08-24T16:50:00.000-04:00

So, when I was in high school my mom planted a pomegranate tree in our back yard. I remembered this yesterday and went to check on it. To my great excitement there were half a dozen ripe fruits ready for picking. So, now that I have learned about gardening and eating from the earth, I picked them. I was going to make ice cream, but that seemed a bit risky (I just started this whole eating from the earth thing, I'll work up to the ice cream :-] ). Instead, I made pomegranate juice. Here is my documentation.

The tree...

The seeds...

I put the seeds in a food processor (not for very long, just enough to break the juice pods) then strained it and squeezed a lot to get all the juice out. Four small to medium fruits gave me half a cup of juice. Mix with water and sugar and voila!

This makes me think. If food grows in Arizona and New Mexico, I bet it grows in New Hampshire too... Excellent!

Driving.

2007-08-21T01:09:00.000-04:00

"Be honest. And if you realize you are not being honest, be honest about not being honest... Be vulnerable. And if you're not being vulnerable, be vulnerable about not being vulnerable."
-James Finely

I have a hard time being honest about what I am feeling. So I'm going to be honest about that. I don't tell people how I feel while I'm feeling it, which is just a way of avoiding the scary emotion. But I know I do that.

Today, I left Flagstaff. I thought that on my eight hour drive home I might get some things straight in my mind. Not quite...but I did see some pretty flowers.

Before I left, I went to say good-bye to the garden. Here are my last pictures of the (this) garden.

I'm not quite sure how it is that I came to be so attached to this pumpkin, but here it is!

The garden! Look at that pumpkin vine taking over everything!

My garden feast for the road. That, Village Baker bread, and a new mix CD makes a long car ride bearable.

Seven hours later and about 30 miles from home I realized why I love the southwest...

And now I am home. It is good and comfortable.

Winding down.

2007-08-16T00:51:00.000-04:00

There comes a time after every milestone (such as college graduation) when things start to change. I've managed to postpone this eventuality quite successfully, if I do say so myself. But even I, with my avoidance and denial, have to face the music.

I am very mixed up in my emotions, which makes this all the harder to sort out. I am excited about moving to New Hampshire to do Americorp for a year. I am looking forward to meeting new people, having new experiences, and putting my beliefs to the test to see how they stand up in the "real" world. But I am also sad. Deeply sad to leave this town and these people. That is hard for me to express, but somehow it is down there. I feel like I have grown so much here, like I have come to life. I would like to turn this sadness into celebration for all the wonderful things that have happened. I would like to be dancing when I leave town.

Today we had evening prayer like we have been doing for most of the summer. We practiced Lectio Divina or Holy Reading which is something that I have read about but never tried. We read Psalm 139, each of us read it out loud twice with periods of silence for meditation. The idea is to be present. To be present to the words, to be present to each other, to be present to ourselves, and to be present to God. Honestly, I found the last two the hardest. The best way I have to describe this "being present" is kything from Madeline L'Engle's Wrinkle in Time trilogy. If you haven't read these, stop reading this blog and find a copy. Kything with each other and kything with God are both beautiful images to me.

Psalm 139: 9-10

If I take the wings of the morning
and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me fast.

What a beautiful land we live with.

2007-08-07T01:00:00.000-04:00

Let's keep it that way :-)

Who needs drugs.

2007-08-04T01:45:00.000-04:00

Another garden post. It just rocks my socks every time I walk past. I think what amazes me so much is not that I did anything (Nick and Aaron did all the hard work) or even that we did anything by planting it, but that the earth did it. That out of a bunch of bare dirt and a couple seeds the earth spit out edible food! Call me simple, but my socks are still rocked.

Here are some more pictures. I decided to change my blog title to reflect my obvious garden-mania. Plus I think it is a nice metaphor to my life, so it works.

Can you believe how tall the corn is!

We are going to make salsa with these chile peppers sometime soon.

The bean seeds Nick planted are all sprouting.

And, when I went to take pictures of the pumpkins, this guy was there waiting for me. He was beautiful in life and vibrant. He even sat there long enough for me to dig out my camera and didn't fly away even when I stuck the camera in his face. There are angels everywhere.